Obligatory Purgatory

Today would be Baby Finn's 17th birthday. Unfortunately, Finn did not survive the transition from womb to world...Looking back - it was a very terrible time, that goes without saying I guess. I can say in all honesty it was one of the saddest things to watch happen to 2 lovely people who had so much to offer that baby...the rest of the noise (the politics, details and power struggles) falls to the wayside now. I think about him often, especially on his birthday, imagining him as a teenager...imagining how his mom and dad's life would be completely different. Happy Birthday Finn....wish you had stayed around  so we all got to see who you were going to look like....and see whose personality you would have taken on...guhhh still so sad - the lifetime of what ifs. Cruel. xo

I was going to write about suicide but I changed my mind. The death of Chris Cornell was a shocker. He had made it, it seemed....survived all the rough patches...my unsolicited and uneducated theory is Chris Cornell was happy in his life and his brain just malfunctioned due to a prescription medication. He did not consciously choose to leave his 3 children and his wife to pick up the pieces of their shattered hearts - he would not do that. His brain just broke and help did not make it in time. I would find comfort in that as someone left behind...eventually. Such a devastating burden for those 3 kids to lug around for their whole lives...he just would not do that if he was in his right mind, no way. RIP to the beauty who wore duct tape shorts like no one else.....  Eddie Vedder, you better check your shit b/c you are the only grunge singer left. On a more uplifting note....my last post about finding out that who I thought was my dad isn't actually my dad via Ancestry DNA...che...

Remember that last post about how I was getting my paternal half sister Sara to test her DNA so I could confirm we actually had the same dad (Gord).... Well...no match. Not even one stupid little DNA thingy. You can imagine that was a bit of a surprise... A little overwhelming for a bit until I started rationalizing it all. Gord has never given me the time of day and was not a whole lot different with his other kids so there is no real loss there - aside from the the strange comfort of just knowing where you come from...that I took for granted...clearly. It was a little sad to have to have this talk with Sara and acknowledge there was no familial connection after all...her and I have been pals for 17 yrs, since I first contacted Gord by mail. In all that time he has never spoken to me, he simply handed my letter to Sara (who was a teenager at the time) and washed his hands of it all. Sara and I kept in touch and I got to know Gord's sister Isobel, who has been a lovely aun...