Obligatory Purgatory

True story...I have been in that prison myself, doing time...paying the piper. It is a long, hard road - but we all manage...and in the end when we are set free from it and go back to mediocre dick or no dick at all - the good dick becomes legend...OR we rationalize it in such a way so as to not pine for it... Example: "OMG he was such a jerk"...etc. I have tried all 3 options. Time heals, that is all I will say. Looking fwd to this weather cooling off....JFC oppressive bullshit. Glad I am going to be long dead as the planet gets more tropical. STUPID! Went and saw the new Mad Max flick yesterday....really loved it, was not expecting much but I really liked it...With Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron in it though it was bound to at least be tolerable but I was genuinely shocked at how much I liked it...except that STUPID flamethrower guitar playing scene...I think I actually blurted out quite loudly "GAWD THAT'S STUPID"...that is my only beef with the whol...

Yay Day for the Gays today...so interesting to watch and read about people's reactions. I am clearly living an insular life, I only surround myself with like-minded people for the most part - mostly b/c - and I admit - I am not very accepting of people who are not accepting - ironic isn't it? I cannot process the hate of other races than my own and homosexuals...I do not understand the non-empathetic mind. I do not understand how you cannot see through political propaganda. I do not understand how you do not see people just like yourself when you see gay people. I do not understand how you do not see oppression. So much I do not understand. You do not have to make out with these people...just don't hate them ffs. Frustrating. Oh and all you gay haters threatening to move to Canada now that the US has ok's marriage equality...DO NOT COME HERE ASS HATS....we legalized that a while ago already and we have enough assholes here. I am diggin' some Melvins right now......

I was on the mighty Facebook and someone posted an article about one of the states quietly removing the confederate flag from its gov't bldg - I ended up in this mini-debate with someone who clearly had a giant American boner for the confederate flag...I was actually shocked. ha ha ha I thought those people were only crazy characters on TV. Was kind of weird to have a live, real person bantering about how that flag should be everywhere...I just tip toed out of the whole thing. Those people are beyond my realm of understanding. In Canada we have enough of our own shame going on up here. The more I read and hear about the most I lament that I am not more tuned out like I was years ago. I have no memory about the Air India Bombing....I was 15 or so...I feel like that was likely really big news at the time but I was tuned out. Tuning out is awesome....easier to do pre-internet that is for sure. Now if you spend any time online you are bombarded with information - whether you want it ...

So today at work someone got fired. Someone I really liked.   Someone who I observed over the last few yrs get slowly set up essentially. It could have easily been avoided if the ppl in charge weren't inept managers. This is the 2nd support staff member who has been canned in the last 6 months. Sends a pretty clear message to the rest of us that we are disposable. 2 people have also left and gone on to other jobs and there is a handful more desperately looking to get out of there. Toxic working environment currently. Very disappointing. I have been a manager...hated it! It was very clear to me after managing staff that to be a good manager you really do have to have training along with a cool head/common sense...oh and not be an asshole. There is that little helpful quality. Lawyers managing staff is about as abysmal as abysmal can get. People are very upset. In a non-union environment (gov't excluded ministry) this sort of shit is tough to ignore. This w...

I'm outside...sitting at a bus stop. My laundry is drying so I thought I'd walk instead of sitting around waiting. The whole walk I kept thinking that it would suck to have to call a cab if my knee gave up the ghost b/c I have no $ on me. Saw some extremely drunk ppl. Par for the course arnd here.

I had this yearning to go through my box of concert stubs yesterday...gawd...it is very interesting to think about what path your life would have taken had a pregnancy not stopped your momentum in the direction you were going. I cannot honestly say where I would be now, not even an inkling of an idea. I know my concert going ended abruptly in 1993 for a very long time. That was my main objective at the time...working to afford concert tickets and seeing bands. I had a bit of a plan - to get myself into school to take the ECE program which would end up with me making more $ to afford concert tickets and see more bands. Then I had unprotected sex ONCE and Hello Miss A, my adorable little ball of love. I thought I was very clever tracking my cycle thinking the timing of this unprotected sex would be okay....it was right  after my period after all....wouldn't ovulate for 10 days or so - RIGHT? - ...yeah fuck that man. Clearly some of us ovulate spontaneously throughout the month, u...

The Real Thing I know the feeling, it is the real thing The essence of the soul The perfect moment, that golden moment I know you feel it too I know the feeling, it is the real thing You can't refuse the embrace... No! It's like the pattern beneath the skin- you gotta reach it and pull it all in And you feel like you're too close but you swallow another dose The pinnacle of happiness filling up your soul You don't think you can take any more You never wanna let go Cause it's the root of experience, the most basic ingredients To see the unseen glitter of life and feel the dirt, grief, anger and strife Cherish the certainty of now - it kills you a bit at a time Cradle the inspiration, it will leave you writhing on the floor... This is so unreal - what I feel  This nourishment  Life is bent in to a shape, I can hold, twist of fate, all my own, Just grit your teeth and make no sound, Take a step away and look around, Just clench your f...

Sitting here listening to the 90 songs Daniel Kingbury uploaded to soundcloud the day before he took his life. I have spent the last hour reading all the beautiful stories and words about him on Facebook, his grieving community of friends and family clearly broken by this loss - but some can still manage to articulate what he meant to them and everyone. Makes me grateful I did not know him but sad I didn't at the same time. While I have a very clear understanding of suicide in my mind I still ask myself whenever something like this happens - I wonder if people read all this love and adoration mingled with the ultimate grief before hand if it would change the outcome...? I am reading this stuff and without ever knowing him personally and am just gutted by the grief and the hole he has clearly left in so many hearts. I knew who Daniel was - but he had left Mindil Beach before I saw them live and I only really related him to the Jellyfish Project . Pure sadness is what it is.....

I am experimenting. I have so far skipped my Sat. and Sun. evening dose of nerve pain pills....so far...no crazy arm pain...just general mild withdrawal I think... This is promising...fingers crossed.