Nostalgia can be deadly....
I had this yearning to go through my box of concert stubs yesterday...gawd...it is very interesting to think about what path your life would have taken had a pregnancy not stopped your momentum in the direction you were going. I cannot honestly say where I would be now, not even an inkling of an idea. I know my concert going ended abruptly in 1993 for a very long time. That was my main objective at the time...working to afford concert tickets and seeing bands.
I had a bit of a plan - to get myself into school to take the ECE program which would end up with me making more $ to afford concert tickets and see more bands. Then I had unprotected sex ONCE and Hello Miss A, my adorable little ball of love.
I thought I was very clever tracking my cycle thinking the timing of this unprotected sex would be okay....it was right after my period after all....wouldn't ovulate for 10 days or so - RIGHT? - ...yeah fuck that man. Clearly some of us ovulate spontaneously throughout the month, usually on the day we have unprotected sex the one time in their life. I have always chuckled at that...it is kind of like if I were to wear a white pair of pants 2 days after my period ended, which is very very regular like clockwork, I would get my period again...solely b/c I had white pants on and was a canvas of embarrassment waiting to happen.
Ok enough of that...upon posting these concert stubs to FB I really enjoyed the banter with Adele...she remembers stuff from those days I just cannot pull up out of my brain....I remember a lot of stuff from then but it seems some the alcohol activities have escaped me. Partying with bands and strippers...like why can't I remember that shit? I WANT TO REMEMBER! Frustrating. I had one of those woebegone moments thinking being 20 again would be pretty kick ass. I have not really felt that way before but I guess I am currently in a point in life where it is obvious that my shenanigan days are long gone. I can hardly stand being out at shows dealing with crowds, the hardship of standing for hours at a time...its extremely lame and disheartening...
I am on a big Mike Patton kick right now...reliving The Real Thing album in a big way which reminds me of Bruce....and then reflecting about that strange relationship. I met him in grade 12...became fast friends...maintained that friendship post-school, stupidly crossed from friendship to more momentarily. Only stupid b/c if you put 2 emotionally retarded ppl in a situation like that you are just asking for trouble. Lots of ups and downs in our friendship...7-8 yrs ago I cut ties after a real dick move on his part but I haven't ever been able to cut the strange pull towards him as a person. We get along really well, senses of humor click on high overload all.the.time...this is a really unusual but appealing quality to share with someone. Us emotionally decrepit ppl have a hard time dealing with strong emotions, we fuck shit up a lot being assholes. Looking back I can see the path of our friendship much clearer, I am an all in friend and Bruce hovers elsewhere...naturally I would take this extremely personally when I can see now it was not ever about me at all. I can say that about a lot of things, looking back. It is cliche as cliche can get but it is so very true that 'acceptance' is the key to damn near all of this emotional bullshit. Accepting others for who they are and what they are capable of and extending that generosity to yourself.
If you would have asked me if I was a fan of old 50's and 60's Italian crooner music..I would have laughed....but here I am absolutely in love with this Mondo Cane album...Mike Patton sing these old tunes in Italian is girl boner bliss for me...
I had a bit of a plan - to get myself into school to take the ECE program which would end up with me making more $ to afford concert tickets and see more bands. Then I had unprotected sex ONCE and Hello Miss A, my adorable little ball of love.
I thought I was very clever tracking my cycle thinking the timing of this unprotected sex would be okay....it was right after my period after all....wouldn't ovulate for 10 days or so - RIGHT? - ...yeah fuck that man. Clearly some of us ovulate spontaneously throughout the month, usually on the day we have unprotected sex the one time in their life. I have always chuckled at that...it is kind of like if I were to wear a white pair of pants 2 days after my period ended, which is very very regular like clockwork, I would get my period again...solely b/c I had white pants on and was a canvas of embarrassment waiting to happen.
Ok enough of that...upon posting these concert stubs to FB I really enjoyed the banter with Adele...she remembers stuff from those days I just cannot pull up out of my brain....I remember a lot of stuff from then but it seems some the alcohol activities have escaped me. Partying with bands and strippers...like why can't I remember that shit? I WANT TO REMEMBER! Frustrating. I had one of those woebegone moments thinking being 20 again would be pretty kick ass. I have not really felt that way before but I guess I am currently in a point in life where it is obvious that my shenanigan days are long gone. I can hardly stand being out at shows dealing with crowds, the hardship of standing for hours at a time...its extremely lame and disheartening...
I am on a big Mike Patton kick right now...reliving The Real Thing album in a big way which reminds me of Bruce....and then reflecting about that strange relationship. I met him in grade 12...became fast friends...maintained that friendship post-school, stupidly crossed from friendship to more momentarily. Only stupid b/c if you put 2 emotionally retarded ppl in a situation like that you are just asking for trouble. Lots of ups and downs in our friendship...7-8 yrs ago I cut ties after a real dick move on his part but I haven't ever been able to cut the strange pull towards him as a person. We get along really well, senses of humor click on high overload all.the.time...this is a really unusual but appealing quality to share with someone. Us emotionally decrepit ppl have a hard time dealing with strong emotions, we fuck shit up a lot being assholes. Looking back I can see the path of our friendship much clearer, I am an all in friend and Bruce hovers elsewhere...naturally I would take this extremely personally when I can see now it was not ever about me at all. I can say that about a lot of things, looking back. It is cliche as cliche can get but it is so very true that 'acceptance' is the key to damn near all of this emotional bullshit. Accepting others for who they are and what they are capable of and extending that generosity to yourself.
If you would have asked me if I was a fan of old 50's and 60's Italian crooner music..I would have laughed....but here I am absolutely in love with this Mondo Cane album...Mike Patton sing these old tunes in Italian is girl boner bliss for me...