Obligatory Purgatory

It was a bad day to be a spider in my yard today...the cut off leg one was me trying to get the spider out of a plat I was repotting and I snipped it just shooing it...sorry spiders, please do not invade my bedroom. I just threw up on myself from coughing so I feel very weirdly relaxed right now, drinking tea, cool breeze blowing in my bedroom window. About 30 songs on shuffle...it is a Jeff Buckley, Noah Gundersen, Edward Sharp & the Magnetic Zeros, John Paul White and Gregory Alan Isakov kind of night in musicland.... So much DNA/Ancestry action going on these days. Very intense is the business of paternity...it is so different for everyone...ranging from apathetic to obsessed. I want to know who my sperm donor/daddio is but the ship has sailed on it really altering my life too much. A nice Hollywood happy ending would be fantastic...but...you know...let's remember who we are dealing with here...a person who avoids emotions like the plague. I would prefer to step over...

I got the DNA test kit that I am sending up to my "maybe daddy" today - he is happily willing to do the test to solve this mystery which is absolutely amazing. Funny how a kind, reasonable act comes off as amazingly heroic when you are used to the men in your life being consistently disappointing. (I recognize that is a sad tribute to my life thus far) It will take a few months to get results but...I am pretty stoked...and probably letting myself get a little too convinced he is the one. Coincidentally...I got a 2nd cousin match on my Ancestry acct the other day. I messaged her and got her story about being put up for adoption in the 60s...I got all the details and determined we must be related through her birth father b/c her mom's info (full name, etc) did not match anyone in our family. There was no full name for the bio-father but there was a lot of detail and through the description of the father's siblings I think I have a solid idea who it is....so I gave...

Remember that last post about how I was getting my paternal half sister Sara to test her DNA so I could confirm we actually had the same dad (Gord).... Well...no match. Not even one stupid little DNA thingy. You can imagine that was a bit of a surprise... A little overwhelming for a bit until I started rationalizing it all. Gord has never given me the time of day and was not a whole lot different with his other kids so there is no real loss there - aside from the the strange comfort of just knowing where you come from...that I took for granted...clearly. It was a little sad to have to have this talk with Sara and acknowledge there was no familial connection after all...her and I have been pals for 17 yrs, since I first contacted Gord by mail. In all that time he has never spoken to me, he simply handed my letter to Sara (who was a teenager at the time) and washed his hands of it all. Sara and I kept in touch and I got to know Gord's sister Isobel, who has been a lovely aun...