I wonder...

Sitting here listening to the 90 songs Daniel Kingbury uploaded to soundcloud the day before he took his life. I have spent the last hour reading all the beautiful stories and words about him on Facebook, his grieving community of friends and family clearly broken by this loss - but some can still manage to articulate what he meant to them and everyone. Makes me grateful I did not know him but sad I didn't at the same time.

While I have a very clear understanding of suicide in my mind I still ask myself whenever something like this happens - I wonder if people read all this love and adoration mingled with the ultimate grief before hand if it would change the outcome...? I am reading this stuff and without ever knowing him personally and am just gutted by the grief and the hole he has clearly left in so many hearts. I knew who Daniel was - but he had left Mindil Beach before I saw them live and I only really related him to the Jellyfish Project.

Pure sadness is what it is...so pure. I know what it is like to be left with a life time of what if's and if only's...a mystery never to be solved hanging over your entire existence. Every step you take forward is excruciating b/c it pulls you back enough that you do not feel like you are moving forward at all. Hamster in a fucking wheel. The long road to nowhere.