Her...
So seriously weary of feeling like a wounded child at the ripe old age of almost 44. For someone I think so little of I am astounded at her power to control my mood and reaction to her completely ridiculous opinions and outlooks on damn near everything.
Umbilical Residue....that is all that is left and it is some powerful stuff. This recent motherly run in has made it pretty clear that 1) Things will never change between us 2) I feel like I have been eating her shit sandwiches my whole life and I am finally feeling full and do not want any more 3) The benefit of keeping this cool distance between us means I am not obligated to act as a go between for her any more with my daughter and sister...
I feel like a tremendous ingrate, surrounded by friends/family who have lost mothers at varying stages in life but...I do not even feel like I have a mother...my anger towards her runs so deep I cannot even interact with her in the simplest of ways without it causing me stress. I have tried being empathetic...I have eaten the shit sandwich plenty....so.done.
The beauty is I wont have to deal with her for a while b/c she will not talk to me even if I felt compelled to try. I am not apologizing.
Umbilical Residue....that is all that is left and it is some powerful stuff. This recent motherly run in has made it pretty clear that 1) Things will never change between us 2) I feel like I have been eating her shit sandwiches my whole life and I am finally feeling full and do not want any more 3) The benefit of keeping this cool distance between us means I am not obligated to act as a go between for her any more with my daughter and sister...
I feel like a tremendous ingrate, surrounded by friends/family who have lost mothers at varying stages in life but...I do not even feel like I have a mother...my anger towards her runs so deep I cannot even interact with her in the simplest of ways without it causing me stress. I have tried being empathetic...I have eaten the shit sandwich plenty....so.done.
The beauty is I wont have to deal with her for a while b/c she will not talk to me even if I felt compelled to try. I am not apologizing.
en·mi·ty ˈenmitē/ noun noun: enmity; plural noun: enmities
the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.
"enmity between Protestants and Catholics"
| synonyms: | hostility, animosity, antagonism, friction, antipathy, animus, acrimony, bitterness, rancor, resentment, aversion, ill feeling, bad feeling, ill will, bad blood, hatred, hate, loathing, odium; |