Here we go again with voice chat....sorry.
Okay so let's try this again. I take no responsibility for any typos because it's all just this little machine interpreting my voice into words on the screen . Holy shit that runs I am a fucking Poulot.
that should say holy shit that rhymes I am a fucking poet
nothing like having to say something twice to get it right
my level of desperation for even an iota of comfort is hitting all-time low or wait maybe I mean an all-time high … I have to say going to the doctor and having a nervous breakdown /bawling fit in the office certainly gets them to pay a little bit more attention to you and your plight . not sure how this combination of drugs is gonna work for real life but hopefully will get me through this next little bit of neuralgia nightmare .
http://www.healthline.com/health/neuralgia#Overview1
The only thing getting me through this batch of bullshit is that the tiny little optimist in my mind is screaming very loudly that perhaps it's one of these things it has to get much worse before it gets better…If that's the case this could be a good thing right? That's what I'm going with because that's the only way I'm gonna survive this crap i think.
I have a whole new insight into chronic pain and mental health . I am currently taking a very low dose of an antidepressant that is supposed to lessen nerve pain... the main side effect being it makes you stupid as shit and really tired. Now being an empathetic person I can't help but wonder how the hell people would function on a higher dose of this shit . 25 mg has turned me into a fucking zombie … Mind you it's a zombie was slightly last nerve pain so I can justify 1000% as it really does take the edge off. I will think very differently of those sleepy looking people shuffling through life … It's not Much life at all really … I at least have the tiny little optimist screaming in my head that this will be going away sometime in the future.... so for that I am fucking Glad.
it's very interesting reading about neuralgia I think that's what nerve pain is called neuralgia I have to check on that before I post this … it's amazing to me that even though the injury or whatever caused the nerve pain is done the hypersensitivity of the nerve makes it feel like you're living in a vice . Finding it rather fascinating honestly because I know I don't have any information and I can only assume that the actual pinched nerve isn't really pinched anymore but the nerves just can't let go … The nerves are like those people that can't give up on a fucked up relationship codependent just can't let go … Clearly I'm ready to cut the cord any day now I'm fucking tired of this shit . It was one thing to be a hermit at home on my own by my own choice and Hideaway... it's another to be actually unable to do anything... I had to cancel my Film Festival tickets and probably two shows this month … theLionthBearandtheFox and Whitehorse - both of which I am incredibly pissed off to miss.
Still trudging away at work on modified duty … Being terribly inefficient and slower than a sloth in the tub of molasses .
Needless to say im watching a lot of TV and movies these days... I had a funny experience tuning into Dr. Phil the other day which I usually never do because I hate that guy him and Dr. Oz and Oprah can all go fuck themselves . Anyway there is this mother and daughter on there , normal mother-daughter nightmare bullshit funny part was is that the mom's name is Peggy and the daughters name is Jennifer . That's funny because my mother's name is Peggy and by name is Jennifer and they had pretty much exactly the same story as me and my mom except that the Peggy on TV also happened to be a drug addict … Which I guess and somewhere away is parallel to the fact that my mom has a brain injury .
The weird thing about doing nothing except watch TV and movies and try to get to work without hurling yourself out the window is it you don't really have a whole lot to talk about … Except that I wish this voice chat feature didn't make it look like I was at a grade 3 level and punctuation and grammar … I'm actually so tired right now and I can barely keep my eyes open , I'm totally nauseous which is funny because my first instinct is to eat when I'm nauseous which is really messed up if you think about it . Mixing up nausea with hunger … That's me always in tune with myself so well.
I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately too … Mostly newS stuff... really enjoying 'The Moth' … Great storytelling ... Mostly CBC though keeping up with what's going on ...CAN'T help but be terrified at this next federal election... my God what is that asshole Stephen Harper is reelected as prime minister ? I just don't know what the hell I will do … Will be very very sad sad day indeed IF the people of this country do not get theIR collective shit together and get that son of a bitch out of office. He is a nightmare. I think it's funny how much he doesn't like Russia's Putin … I think it's funny because they're kind of the same greedy assholes.
On the lighter side my pretend boyfriend Thor a.k.a. Chris Hemsworth is on Saturday Night Live tonight … Him and his gorgeous arms ... Looking forward to that little small miracle rather large miracle ....