So....
There I was on Instagram....following this hot guy all covered in tattoos, all artsy and dark...you know the type...does great pieces and like I said - pretty good looking...I would see the odd photo and look at him a long time b/c something did not seem quite right. I thought maybe he looked like someone I knew or something but could never quite put my finger on it...then I was super checking out a shirtless picture and realized what had tweaked me previously...there were scars from breast removal surgery. Yeah...dude was born a girl and transitioned into being physically male (see how I choose my words carefully there?).
OK - no big deal right, that is not news! It is 2015 after all...so as it turns out as soon as I realized he used to be a she my crush ended abruptly...he is still good looking, he is s till a great artist - in fact this lends a whole other level to his "interesting" persona...but it is all rather intriguing to me, my own reaction to this discovery and I cannot help but think I am some kind of asshole for it. No, I do not think less of him in any way shape or form - the opposite really b/c I am sure getting from A to B for him was a struggle and struggle has always been something I find aligns all of us strugglers...GO TEAM STRUGGLER! (Pretty sure 'struggler' is not a thing but whatever) - United in struggle, no matter the form...but I don't necessarily find myself wanting to make out with him anymore...
I realize just being shy of 45 makes me old enough to be brainwashed about this sort of thing in a negative way but also young enough to be open minded and empathetic...which I believe I am...but I wonder if a little cultural brainwashing still exists in me...I have had a hard time wrapping my head around the gender bending that is now kind of the norm these days - then one day my friend Erin said "You don't have to understand it, you just have to accept it." WOOOHOOOO Awesome....b/c I can do that, no sweat...understanding it might be something beyond my grasp but that's ok as long as I am not a fucking asshole about it b/c ultimately it is none of my damn business what other ppl want to do with their bodies.
I cannot be the only person who is confused by this stuff? Maybe all the assholes are just confused like me but channel it differently...? No idea...anyway - I get it...just b/c I do not understand it doesn't mean shit all. Just do not be a dick. I can do that. But I still feel like a dick.
Back in the 80's when this was not accepted the way it is starting to be now - I had a pen pal who was a cross-dresser. He was married with kids, no desire to cheat on his wife or be a dirtbag etc...but he desperately wanted to dress in women's clothing. He rented himself a storage unit and set up a make up station and wardrobe in there so he had a place to go and get dressed up and then walk around downtown Vancouver trying to pass as a woman. I am not gunna lie...he did NOT look like a woman dressed up, he was clearly always a very tall man in a dress and make up but it was his thing. At that time there was a lot of that downtown, we would see it frequently so it was hardly unheard of but it was interesting to get this guys perspective - I wish I still had those letters, I bet they would be much more interesting to me now with 25 years life experience under my belt. Anyway...back then I recall thinking it was strange but I did not think he was a freak by any means...it was more sad than anything that he felt he would be risking his family by revealing the truth to his wife. I have no idea how things turned out for him but I hope he is happy in whatever he ended up doing with his life.
OK - no big deal right, that is not news! It is 2015 after all...so as it turns out as soon as I realized he used to be a she my crush ended abruptly...he is still good looking, he is s till a great artist - in fact this lends a whole other level to his "interesting" persona...but it is all rather intriguing to me, my own reaction to this discovery and I cannot help but think I am some kind of asshole for it. No, I do not think less of him in any way shape or form - the opposite really b/c I am sure getting from A to B for him was a struggle and struggle has always been something I find aligns all of us strugglers...GO TEAM STRUGGLER! (Pretty sure 'struggler' is not a thing but whatever) - United in struggle, no matter the form...but I don't necessarily find myself wanting to make out with him anymore...
I realize just being shy of 45 makes me old enough to be brainwashed about this sort of thing in a negative way but also young enough to be open minded and empathetic...which I believe I am...but I wonder if a little cultural brainwashing still exists in me...I have had a hard time wrapping my head around the gender bending that is now kind of the norm these days - then one day my friend Erin said "You don't have to understand it, you just have to accept it." WOOOHOOOO Awesome....b/c I can do that, no sweat...understanding it might be something beyond my grasp but that's ok as long as I am not a fucking asshole about it b/c ultimately it is none of my damn business what other ppl want to do with their bodies.
I cannot be the only person who is confused by this stuff? Maybe all the assholes are just confused like me but channel it differently...? No idea...anyway - I get it...just b/c I do not understand it doesn't mean shit all. Just do not be a dick. I can do that. But I still feel like a dick.
Back in the 80's when this was not accepted the way it is starting to be now - I had a pen pal who was a cross-dresser. He was married with kids, no desire to cheat on his wife or be a dirtbag etc...but he desperately wanted to dress in women's clothing. He rented himself a storage unit and set up a make up station and wardrobe in there so he had a place to go and get dressed up and then walk around downtown Vancouver trying to pass as a woman. I am not gunna lie...he did NOT look like a woman dressed up, he was clearly always a very tall man in a dress and make up but it was his thing. At that time there was a lot of that downtown, we would see it frequently so it was hardly unheard of but it was interesting to get this guys perspective - I wish I still had those letters, I bet they would be much more interesting to me now with 25 years life experience under my belt. Anyway...back then I recall thinking it was strange but I did not think he was a freak by any means...it was more sad than anything that he felt he would be risking his family by revealing the truth to his wife. I have no idea how things turned out for him but I hope he is happy in whatever he ended up doing with his life.