My DNA is Driving Me CRAY-CRAY

So...a while ago I had this epiphany to ask my half sister Sara if she would get the AncestryDNA test done so that I could confirm 100% that we had the same bio-father. Not knowing him personally, there is always something in the back of my mind, niggling away that there is a chance he is not my bio-father. I realize this likely stems from the fact that I have little to no trust in anyone, most especially the people who were making decisions about my life as a child. I think the track record there proves that I was not on top of anyone's priority list so it is not a far stretch to imagine "the story" could be one of convenience.

At almost 47 the "who" of this situation/mystery is fairly inconsequential. I have come to terms with the fatherlessness that has been a dark shadow following me around my whole life - I no longer take it personally, indifference has crept in over the years and I rarely think about it at all. Doing the genealogy has brought up some what ifs though so I figured getting Sara on board for this test would be an easy fix...My other half sister Kim comes up as a "close family/first cousin" b/c we only share one parent so Sara should come up the same I imagine...I check every day to see if the results are in...and about a week ago I was struck with some anxiety that I hadn't thought through previously....what if Sara's dad was not my dad...then who the F is it? The unknown potential suddenly made Sara's dad appealing b/c, let's face it....better the devil you know than the devil you don't. Right?!! Ugh. I have since talked myself through that anxiety and decided to just carry one waiting for confirmation rather than a Jerry Springer/Maury Povich-like surprise. I rechecked some of my DNA matches online and there are matches to Sara's surname so it is more than likely that Sara's dad is mine as well. No one on that end of things seems to question it - that should be some indication as well since paternity-denial is such a prevalent reaction.

A friend of mine recently got the DNA test done to try and find her biological father and holy hell...what a crazy gong show...her family story is only one of a few that makes my own family history pale in comparison...the DNA matches have lead to some absolutely amazing connections that have completely blew my mind - so I can only imagine how it is all hitting her. I am grateful that she trusts me to bring me along on this journey with her b/c it has been a crazy ride...very reminiscent of the time that I was lucky enough to find my friend Chris's birth parents after his 20 year search was one big dead end...that was very intense as well and also something I was grateful to be part of. 

I am still loving this DNA business and wish I could afford to get kits for everyone in my family! haha So far Miss A had hers done and my sister Kim as well...just so interesting to me. Funny how uninterested some people are in this sort of thing. I would love to poll people and ask questions regarding their non-interest being due to the fact they have never had to question things of this nature or always knew - without a doubt - their parentage/family background. I should have been a scientist. Ha! Or a private investigator....or a Pop-Up Video writer....or someone working at Cards Against Humanity....