Remember when...

Remember when 'connecting' with someone was the be all end all of existence, be it with friends or whatever sex you were interested in romantically? My gawd...I am in awe of how little that matters to me anymore. 

I was talking to an old highschool buddy today and we were lamenting about all the people from our crowd who have died and mega-lamenting about our shitty skills at relationships...such a funny thing to talk about...being emotionally retarded to the degree you cannot do relationships. Funny thing to 'connect' over.

Baby Rob...awwwww!

Been thinking a lot of Rob Profitt these days...he died in 2006, shitty car accident...on the cusp of a big life change, things were looking up...I would love to sit and shoot the shit with him again...I guess if one person misses you and wishes you were there to talk to you did ok in life....right? I have always kind of taken it as my personal responsibility to remember ppl who are dead as a sort of testament to their existence...don't get me wrong, I have no silliness about an afterlife or being eternal but ppl I care about I want to think about and remember...to my own detriment sometimes.

It is too hot to live outside so I am inside nice and cool, listening to my favorites (Jeff Buckley and Matthew Good), puttering around my desk and bedroom trying to restore order and some semblance of tidiness. The fact I cannot sort my bedroom and desk out is surely some symptom of my far greater issues in the realm of life. Whatever. I haven't bit my nails is well over a week so I am a gawd damn champion at life right now.

2 weeks until I fly to Prince George to meet my dad and his wife...the dread I feel is completely irrational and has everything to do with my own self esteem...my hope is that after the 1st 10 mins of me wanting to murder myself from the awkwardness it'll be ok. haha Aren't I a friggin optimist?