Oops.
How many abandoned blogs are there on the Internet I wonder? I think about when I am dead how this blog is likely to remain until the earth as we know it ceases to exist. Lately I have been considering how our future earth will look when I apply the AI theory to it...think about that for a moment...as we keep getting better and better making robots and working towards artificial intelligence - eventually we will make something that will be intelligent enough to improve itself at a capacity I can hardly register...once this happens there is nothing stopping technology from just taking over. Just think about it. If they can think for themselves and problem solve there is not much use for us limited humans. Can you tell I listened to a podcast about AI this afternoon?
There is something about this song....the longing and the harmonies...it murders me dead...so dead.
Despite all the changes in my"self" over the years I have never stopped loving music. I have contemplated it a handicap at times. Like with anything if you rely upon it or need it it can turn into a crutch that is hard to shake. This sounds dramatic but it is true...my obsessive personality takes things I love to a higher level than normal ppl, I am sure of that. This likely stems from the fact that as a kid/teen music was extremely important in getting me through some BS and also an amazing distraction and diversion from reality. My mind has been formed with music...I imagine little rivers, streams and inlets all through my brain matter carrying music around...shaping me. Imagine if I was directed to something like sports or academia while my brain was capable of such absorption... different me, different life. Always interesting to ponder such WHAT IFs...
We all get this story in our heads, about who we are and why...I recall being stuck in this loops about my family being so fucked up when I was younger...it was like a movie in my head...if they are fucked up then how can I not be? Loop Loop Loop...impossible to break free from this narrative when it is the story you tell yourself all the time. I know ppl who are stuck in such loops...I am stuck in a couple myself but not the family one. I have developed a strong and hearty appreciation and love for my family...that old loop is long gone and has been for some time thankfully. I feel very connected to them despite distance and circumstance...I feel like I need to communicate that to them now that I have this other family I am getting to know...I don't feel like I am cheating on them but I am mindful of how they might interpret this new family...no new family will ever replace what I have with my original family of course...but I would hate for any of them to feel or think like they are being set aside. I have a few complex relationships that are tough to navigate sometimes and while I want them to know these new developments are not in any way altering my existing affections sometimes it is hard to articulate when baggage is involved.
Must think of a way to communicate this...it is so weird.
Another favorite...these lyrics...dead.
Good night.
Back to the abandoned blogs...I have been a sad blogger these past few years. Communication in general...I don't even love talking on the phone anymore...I feel so rushed all the time in my mind and I am not sure why b/c I make a point to not be busy most of the time.
My song of the moment is Nights in White Satin by the Moody Blues. I have always loved this song, not the version with the weirdo poetry in it - just the song.
There is something about this song....the longing and the harmonies...it murders me dead...so dead.
Despite all the changes in my"self" over the years I have never stopped loving music. I have contemplated it a handicap at times. Like with anything if you rely upon it or need it it can turn into a crutch that is hard to shake. This sounds dramatic but it is true...my obsessive personality takes things I love to a higher level than normal ppl, I am sure of that. This likely stems from the fact that as a kid/teen music was extremely important in getting me through some BS and also an amazing distraction and diversion from reality. My mind has been formed with music...I imagine little rivers, streams and inlets all through my brain matter carrying music around...shaping me. Imagine if I was directed to something like sports or academia while my brain was capable of such absorption... different me, different life. Always interesting to ponder such WHAT IFs...
We all get this story in our heads, about who we are and why...I recall being stuck in this loops about my family being so fucked up when I was younger...it was like a movie in my head...if they are fucked up then how can I not be? Loop Loop Loop...impossible to break free from this narrative when it is the story you tell yourself all the time. I know ppl who are stuck in such loops...I am stuck in a couple myself but not the family one. I have developed a strong and hearty appreciation and love for my family...that old loop is long gone and has been for some time thankfully. I feel very connected to them despite distance and circumstance...I feel like I need to communicate that to them now that I have this other family I am getting to know...I don't feel like I am cheating on them but I am mindful of how they might interpret this new family...no new family will ever replace what I have with my original family of course...but I would hate for any of them to feel or think like they are being set aside. I have a few complex relationships that are tough to navigate sometimes and while I want them to know these new developments are not in any way altering my existing affections sometimes it is hard to articulate when baggage is involved.
Must think of a way to communicate this...it is so weird.
Another favorite...these lyrics...dead.
Good night.