Obligatory Purgatory

1. Baby Sloth - not a grown one I don't think b/c they are all rapey and weird....and I feel like they will smell quite bad. 2. A Car/Drivers Licence - the reality is this would be awesome and terrible all at once. I could not afford the upkeep without wandering down to Rock Bay Ave a few times a week to turn tricks for gas and oil change money. 3. A Grand Baby - I want this but not yet....A. is not done adventuring or doing stuff yet b/c we all know once you have kids you may as well be in a wheelchair in a lot of ways. 4. My Family to All Live In My Town - that's right I want all the aunties and the cousins and the siblings and the everyone to live in the same town as me....for real. And Connie & family....all in one place....and Adele & family... 5. A Live In Chef - if Oprah can have one why can't I? Can you imagine breakfast ready for you in the AM? Dinner ready when you get home...? and not friggin tomato soup, real healthy, delicious meals...fml. ...

Not I....I wish I was fried actually...but in this case just my monitor is so a new one is on the way (b/c I am rich you know) MY NEW MONITOR On to actual interesting things... Ryan McMahon was in top form Saturday night at Keith's place....that Corduroy cover made my effing night...and ALL of his new music gave me some shivery shivers so I am looking very forward to the new record when it comes out. This was the highlight for me: CLICK ME I haven't been a very good pot head...I have decided HYPOTHETICALLY OF COURSE that if I decided to smoke it sporadically it can never be in the day time b/c that is just a big fat waste of the day...I mean really...I do NOT need more excuses to nap. I am a champion napper. Gold medal napper actually... and I also do not need more incentive to be a sloth b/c I do that like nobody's business too. Why is it everything I love involves non-activity...reading, internetting, movies, music, writing, art, eating, bad TV, etc.? Oh wait - I lo...

10 mins after sitting down to dinner with my step - dad who I have not seen in almost 14 years and who I have very little contact with - reminded me twice what a bad kid I was...I must have made a serious impression there b/c he cannot let it go. I have never heard him say one nice thing about me...ever. Kim did not fare much better either...disappointed she was made to feel like a disappointment. It is a bewildering thing. Some ppl are just like that though, they have a different set of standards in life...success = money and possessions and if you lack those things you are a failure. By that standard Kim and I are both failures ha ha ha ha hahahaha ha hahaaaa But what a narrow and lame criteria to judge people by...considering MOST ppl have neither that leaves a very small portion of the population you relate to...ugh the judgement...the grumpiness....the negatively....I think a lot of ppl feel this from parents, that disapproval, chronic or otherwise, but....jfc...it boggles my mi...

I have no idea who this is but she made a terrible mistake. She is like a time capsule. Weirdness. I read she is covered in tattoos and that is why she wears long sleeves only. Pete...WHY!!!?! One of my favorite 80's pretty boys...used to spin me right round baby right round...not any more! No words. She looks like a Muppet now...she has such a nice face....such a shame. JFC. Out of hand! WHY!? Creepy before and after. Sorry. Still shaking my head....bad Carrot Top...bad. Stahhhhp! Stupidest noses... Least we won't have to see her next surgery nightmare. Kenny Rogers, cut that shit out...you look weird now. There is no way on friggin earth that looks better than if she had let herself age naturally...no bloody way. Eejit. So curious how they would have looked if they just didn't mess with themselves. AGAIN PETE BURNS....jfc....make it stop. Looked weird before so whatever. Do...

IF I had decided to try smoking weed today this is what surely would have happened: Being that I haven't really partaken since I was a teen and even then it was minimal - I would not really know what to do...I would try to roll a joint* and I would roll it very poorly. Poorly b/c I am not very coordinated - especially with big fat fingers involved. I would end up with this terribly, loose crappy joint but I would try and smoke it anyway. I would not want to smoke it on the balcony b/c then the crazies across the way would see me and I would not feel inclined to have anything in common with them so overtly...so I would go into the bathroom with the fan turned on (like I am 13)...b/c I am a total amateur I wouldn't have a lighter and would get stuck using wooden matches to spark up. Then it would prove clear that poorly rolled joints are hard to smoke....and I would likely go through about 6+ of wooden matches, burning my damn fingers so much I would decide to just light a c...

Change is good Donkey! Blogger is very limited in my mind...it bothers me I cannot amalgamate my 3 blogs into one new one rather than only being able to link to them...to me that is bad technology Blogspot, get on it. It is weird looking back at old blogs - from 2005+. I cared very little about typing with proper capitalization and punctuation back then...and I swore a lot - whereas now if I say FUCK I mean it...b/c I make a point to swear far far less now as a old lady in her 40's. Fuddiduddiness is awesome. Yes I made up another word. Add it to the Jen Dictionary. It is really funny coming across posts from when A and I were at odds when she 13+...I had a good laugh at one yesterday that quoted her saying this to me: "I am so lonely I am talking to you." Bahahahahaaa...that kid has a way with words some times. Mine's like this only the welfare version... So I got this underwater MP3 player and it is SO EFFING COOL listening to music as you swim...its weird ...

I think I must be the only person alive who has just had a Billy Idol epiphany at the age of 43...that "Dancing With Myself" is about masturbation. The things you learn listening to retro radio stations....I am a bit embarrassed. I am notoriously behind the times in regards to music these days....sometimes it takes me 4+ yrs to hear a song that has long since gone stale and I am all excited b/c I actually like it...how things change....pre-child I was an unrivaled music aficionado...but those maternal hormones destroyed my brain...I have not been the same since. haha I think back to the times when my brain functioned more clearly...I was still messed up but the reasons why seemed so transparent and obvious...now with years of experience and time to realize how much "gray" there is in life (as opposed to just black or white) I feel like nothing really makes sense. I have certainly lost my center and it is proving to be an arduous task finding it again. My mothe...

So seriously weary of feeling like a wounded child at the ripe old age of almost 44. For someone I think so little of I am astounded at her power to control my mood and reaction to her completely ridiculous opinions and outlooks on damn near everything. Umbilical Residue....that is all that is left and it is some powerful stuff. This recent motherly run in has made it pretty clear that 1) Things will never change between us 2) I feel like I have been eating her shit sandwiches my whole life and I am finally feeling full and do not want any more 3) The benefit of keeping this cool distance between us means I am not obligated to act as a go between for her any more with my daughter and sister... I feel like a tremendous ingrate, surrounded by friends/family who have lost mothers at varying stages in life but...I do not even feel like I have a mother...my anger towards her runs so deep I cannot even interact with her in the simplest of ways without it causing me stress. I have tried b...