Obligatory Purgatory

It is here. ....muhahahahaaaaa

I have to start taking notes about stuff to blog about it seems b/c there is such a gap in time between posts (more on that later) that when I do get a moment to set for more than 5 mins at my PC I suddenly can't remember all my awesome ideas. It has been made apparently clear to me in recent days that this nerve problem is not going away anytime soon...I am intensely sad about this tidbit of realization. I am feeling really rundown and held hostage honestly so I am taking this weekend to buck the fuck up about it and get on with just waiting for it calm down so I can resume some semblance of a life, even a boring one. Here is just one part of the shittiness...I won't even bother explaining how painful it is to work 8 hrs a day at a desk...or how the bus breaking can make me feel nauseous if I twist the wrong way...this sad story involves bedtime. Getting comfortable is key...my bed has a wedge and 4 pillows to keep me propped up - I can only sleep on my back (I am not a ba...

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 A Compilation of Post-Virginity Recollections I collected these from people I know, some time ago and still enjoy reading....perhaps you will too. I love the various reactions and experiences....quite a vast range....mines in there as well...it was such a stupid experience....no magic involved WHATSOEVER. - Jen   Lame. Just incredibly lame. Actually, at the time, I thought it was good of course. Retrospectively I realize that she was little more than a living corpse! It was damn near necrophilia. I was 18, all graduated and living on my own, and fed up of all the *mystery* so, drunk me went out one night on the prowl, back then I could *prowl* -- I was cuter then. I wind up with this British soldier. I forget his name Oliver *something* Platt?? irrelevant. Anyway, uncircumcised which @ the time made no difference as I was not the penis expert I am now (I actually prefer the uncut penis as a grown up, because I know YOU wanted to k...

I recall in 1994 being so weirdly concerned that Miss A might be born on Superbowl Sunday....not sure why but...she came a couple days later....on Feb. 1st. I was happy she was born on the 1st. I have deemed that ppl born on the 1st of any month are special somehow (I was born Oct. 1st HA HA HA)...it is just something I created in my mind to increase my faltering self-esteem I'm sure. Miss A is happily hungover today in Sydney, Australia I am sure after a weekend of birthday celebration and music festival-ing. Hard to believe she is 21...I love this shift...I still worry like a mental patient - cannot seem to turn off but I have spent the year turning it down to a bearable level of chronic concern...in truth it is the art of denial really...shove it all away, in a dark, secure place in your mind....not letting it out all at once. If I feel the door opening and it oozing out I abruptly slam the door and lock it to avoid meltdown. It is almost like a chronic state of anxiety but he...

It's early....going to get some typing done before the arm goes for shit. I am not even going to talk about arm/neck bs....I am tired of it. I was late for work the other day...we police ourselves at work....if you come late you work later or scratch it off the OT owed, etc. Why was I late...? Oh b/c I discovered a song online and, well...I had to listen to it 400x and look up the lyrics and dissect the video...I stumbled upon it by accident. I am not a fan of today's pop music really so it was a bit of a surprise to fall for this song so hard. I loved it before I even read the lyrics...the video is what drew me in...Shia LaBeouf is in it and this wonderful little dancer Maddie Ziegler....I EFFING love this music video. The symbolism...2 parts of yourself struggling against the other...little things like you can see Shia can fit through the cage bars....yet at the end - he is stuck and desperately trying to free himself...from himself. If that is not representative of the hu...

I'm in bed . It's 11:38 PM . I'm doing this all by the voice feature on my phone . I will not correct anything . My arm is to fucking sore to type even with my fingers . I am wallowing in the state of total and utter self-pity at the moment . it's brother disgusting of me really … I did not say brother I said rather . It is rather disgusting of me really because it could be a lot worse but that's not really helping my psyche right now . will swallowing I did not say will swallowing ! I said willst wallowing … WH I L ST willst fuck you phone fucking fuck … I guess I'll have to be less fancy with my talking into this stupid piece of shit . While one is wallowing in self-pity and in pain with no end in sight it's easy to think of that movie hundred and 27 hours for fuck sakes … 127 hours where James Franco cuts off his own arm … I thought about this but the thought of having phantom limb pain as an amputee is more distasteful than what I'm entering rig...

just cant sit at my desk long enough to type it! :(

So much to blog but too gimped to really sit at the computer after work. Fack.

With her cuteness....2 more days and I get a snuggle!

MY ARM HURTS! Might have to James Franco it.

Sister knows me....love this thing. Love looking at it while I eat lunch daily!

I have survived the holidays for another year. My visit to Alberta was great. I always love to spend time with my Aunty Cathy, no matter the reason or season. It was nice not to do gifts in any capacity either...nice change. I also survived the plane experiences...going to Edmonton I got the whole row to myself. Not so lucky coming back (full plane, lotsa kids) BUT the gentleman I squashed in beside was very gracious and not a dick so I think he is awesome. My neck krink proved to be an utter pain in the ass the whole time I was away...the pain has shifted down my arms and made my thumb numb. As soon as I got home I got in to see the Dr...she gave me some nerve drugs...I took one last night and it made me feel a bit drunk and sleepy which explains why people on this drug look like zombies quite often. Not something that I could take for work.... Went to my 1st ever massage therapy appt. yesterday...what a trip. If you know me at all you know I am not fond of being touched, hugged...

I cannot tell you how good these meatballs are...there are not human words for how good they are. Love this old farm stuff...love love love. Farm sunrises.....amazing. Headless Farmer Toy Feral barn cat....the only one that wasn't cross eyed and ugly. YO, GANGSTA COW STANCE! Sun on it's way out.... So much wintery sky! Old wagon/cart on the neighbours property Hello my cute friend....enjoyed watching him be a bastard and scare all the birds away from the feeders. The fabulous Aunty Cathy! Miss her already! :o( And then Dec 27th this little doofer came early to Kelly, Regan and big sister Madelyn....welcome to the famjam Haedyn xo

Baby Haedyn arrived early! 5lbs 9oz 18.9in She looks just like Madelyn her big sister....Good going Kelly & Regan xo She's a doll!

The End. Survived.

I am going to not correct anything in this post. Phone posting is hard. Especially on percocets. They are not as hardcore as I hoped...I still feel my neck. I'd prefer to feel nothing. Cutting off my head seems to be the only option now since I'm not really into shooting heroin. Perhaps I should have drank whiskey with these pills. Pathetic pill popp err I am. Fack. It's 1245am ...which means it's 1145 at home... and it's tomorrow in Australia. Stupid australia...the dingos stole my baby. :( 5 months to go. I think I'm tired.

In Alberta with a facked neck. Typing on my phone. Just took 2 percocets... I hope to be drooling on myself in an hour.... Merry Crapmas!

How can I be in a coma all day at work and then come home and I am full of the energy I wish I had all day at work....? I even tried to drink a coffee today...ok...not a coffee...but a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso. It tasted like ass. How does something that smells so good taste so bad...(coffee, not ass)? And then the glory of coffee breath after. Forget it. Doesn't do the trick for me anyway. RIP Deanna xo On my travels to Powell River on the weekend I made a point to go visit Mike and Jordyn...that is the 3rd time I have been to that house since Deanna died and I gotta say I am not sure how Mike manages. She is everywhere in that house...I cannot count the times I have desperately wanted to talk to her about something...so many unfinished stories and conversations...so much personal growth never to be shared. I am sure Mike feels the same only worse. I guess this is what life becomes as you get older - missing people, pining for them, stewing in loss and fond memo...

 Weirdo fruit....I forget what it is called...  Kim...really fun road trip participant.  Donna playing the air flute...she is the queen of air musicianship...on the ride home she played air drums, piano, synthesizer, flute, tambourine and possibly the triangle.  Zed & Jerri...love these two.   Donna & Kim...looking pretty.  The view from Aunty Pam's...this place might be sold by the time I visit again so I was glad to squeeze in another visit before it belongs to someone else. Miss A spent a lot of time here as a kid, it is certainly "home".  The view of Powell Lake from the 1st house I lived in with Miss A. When we lived here it was all treed and you couldn't see the lake much but now it is cleared and it is quite beautiful.  We had a suite on the ground level on the left...great place until the owners moved out and shitheads moved in upstairs. Time to move.  Catalyst Paper...