Obligatory Purgatory

I love my family...all of them, even the ones I don't like...I still love them. Upon reflecting on my own personal attachment disorder (pretty sure I could pick one or 2 out of the DSM [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders] that would suit me) I began to look at the tier above me in my family and see they all have something similar...go one more tier up...oh same thing....see a pattern here? I was determined to shower Ms A with love and affection and did so quite effectively...that came fairly natural...and my dislike of hugging does not extend to her, it never has...even during the 5 years of personal teenage hell - though I can assure you we did not hug as much as we should have during that time...I was too busy hanging a bag of pop cans on my bedroom door so I would hear her coming in to kill me at night. She is super huggy and affectionate to friends and family and this pleases me greatly...mission accomplished. It is a complex pot of life stew that has mad...

It is 9:47am on a Sunday and I am already showered, dressed and ready to leave the house. I am motivated by wanting to go get some succulents to plant outside in a few bare parts of the side garden...also I need to check my raccoon cayenne pepper trap. Since I discovered it was raccoons crapping in my side garden I dusted with cayenne paper and bought a motion activated croaking frog from the dollar store. Even though I won't witness the surprised raccoon I am very amused imagining the moment when the pooping raccoon (great band name - The Pooping Raccoons!) walks over to the area and is greeted by an obnoxious plastic frog croak x4. Ha!We get our kicks where we can get them at the age of 45. So, Kim will drive me on a succulent mission today...and I will make a spaghetti sauce later. That is the day. Where I work (being vague on purpose here) the big head head head honcho is coming Wed. for 1 hour, to bless us with her presence (not the head honcho you think if you know me but...

Canada...are you really that stupid that you cannot see that this latest silliness in the House of Commons was a setup? I did not even vote Liberal and it looks pretty damn obvious to me...in fact I am feeling like my NDP vote was cast in error after this bullshit. Mulcair looks like a desperate fool trying to make this stunt work. The last thing Canada needs right now is to compete for the 1st place idiot award against the USA...and that is exactly what this is - IDIOCY. What I cannot figure out is why the whip did not just down the other side of the aisle...unless he was part of it all...either way - it is ridiculous and I hope everyone involved feels the shame they should...naturally the media is not focusing on that - gawd no...I am detesting media more and more. They spoon-feed the masses and we lap it up like brain-dead morons for the most part. Canada is not much better than the US in that regard either so we need to get off our high horse thinking we are so much better than t...

I haven't had a desk (don't until tomorrow actually) since moving but I set up a tv tray for my keyboard to do a bit of computering this evening. Miss A is out and Kim moves in tomorrow...looking fwd to living room furniture...it has been well over 1 month where we either sit at the kitchen table or lay in bed haha My last eye appt was a Debbie Downer man....my eyes are now to the point that I need glasses for distance (which was the usual) but they have gotten bad enough that now I have to take them off for looking close up and that middle computer distance is a no mans land of friggin blindness... UGHHHH! So annoying...was hoping to avoid progressives but I think on my next eye Dr visit in 2 years I will have to relent. Add in that my eyes are severely dry (seriously...like zero eyeball lube going on, had to start using eye GEL, take supplements and wear a heated eye mask to bed (that stimulates the oil glands in your eyeballs by the way)...getting old is awesome. The Age...

...to wander around Vancouver. I forget that Vancouver is almost like a funny little island...with that said - no earthquakes this weekend please!

Kim: I have studied, discussed and seen a lot of art in my life. It varied greatly in style and approach. This is not art.   Jenny: Wow Alysha Farling I guess you aren't an artist after all. Hmmmf. Imagine that. Way to go dream killer Kim. In all seriousness, just b/c you do not like it doesn't mean it is not art. Not liking it is fine...being stuck up is something else. Back to you "expert". Alison: Well, art is whatever the artist says it is, in Dada speak. Justin: Agree with this comment. Matt: Looks like a pile of garbage.. A Far Away Land: thats because A Far Away Land: ...it is Kim: Jenny Actually you know NOTHING about me or my art work. I am an accomplished artist, who has supported themselves both via my own commissoned art sales and instruction. If you had read my comment closely you would have seen that I DO consider a wide variety of approaches to art to be valid, but "just because I want to" isn't now, nor has i...

vape  vāp /  informal  verb  gerund or present participle:   vaping  inhale and exhale the vapor produced by an electronic cigarette or similar device. People who vape....you are sucking from the teat of  destruction and you look silly standing on the side walk...appearing to play a flute...in public...little addicted flute players everywhere. And to be fair all you smokers stink and are gross and make my nose hairs curl when I walk by.... I just needed to say all that...you can proceed with your own judgements against me now about how I take up too much space in the world (well aware, but thanks) and have an old lady haircut (I know, shut up).... Today I got back to the eye doctor to get the lube in my eye measured to see if the eye gel and other things she told me to do that I don;t do are working. ha ha ha I am sorry but the omegas make me burp fish taste and I just can't deal...it is too gross...and the hot eye mask at bedtime for 10 mins ...

So....it is finally real. We move Apr 23 and I am going nuts. It is times like these when I realize how poor my coping skill set is. I am easily overwhelmed. I am laughing in my head right now at how civilized that sounds when there is nothing civilized about it. Funny how as one gets older 'change' seems to become more difficult. I used to not give 2 shits about going to the dentist, moving, changing jobs....now the dentist has become a source of anxiety (while not crippling still very weird), moving is extremely disruptive to my mojo in an indescribable way and changing jobs feels like a death sentence. Man, we used to move almost yearly when I was a child...Prince George BC, Vancouver BC, Regina SK, Swan Hills AB, Wainwright AB, Edgerton AB, Rainbow Lake AB, Regina AK again, Moose Jaw SK (I am 13 at this point)....then the divorce happened: Ponoka AB, Moose Jaw SK, Ponoka AB again, Red Deer AB, Powell River BC (now I just graduated high school)...then on my own to Lake L...

Fun day when you feel you need to go out (despite having zero desire to do so) to escape your a-hole kid and your a-hole cat. Seriously...this house...fuck off. Judgement and demands...all.day.long. I believe I am PMSing. I usually tolerate the judgement and demands better than I am this weekend. In the meantime I will go meet my sister DT and hang out and have dinner and avoid coming home until the last possible minute so I can watch the Walking Dead and go straight to bed.... and avoid all contact and if there is cat barf on this carpet when I get home I pity the cat.

I changed the name of this blog in order to hopefully spur frequency in my posts. My bloggerness has been pathetic as of late. No excuse. Readership of 3 is not even my excuse. Since all I do is listen to Jeff Buckley these days the reference from his 'So Real' video seemed fitting. If I had a bicycle I would hope gorillas stole it. SEE HERE My obsession with JB is deep....the hours of live performances I have acquired will keep me busy for years...and now dissecting his father's music (Tim Buckley) - searching for little nuggets of references of his abandoned son...it is a full time job ffs. I will say Buckley Sr. had a handful of really beautiful songs, don't like all of his stuff but man...amazing gems in that collection. That lovely voice passed down to Buckley Jr. was taken to a whole other level though...songwriting as well. Still blowing my mind.... My life is consumed by the very obvious fact that finding a new apartment with a cat is going to take a long d...

All I have done for 5 days is listen to Jeff Buckley , read about Jeff Buckley, watch documentaries, movies and interviews and I just started the book about Jeff & Tim Buckley by David Browne called DREAM BROTHER . Needless to say...I am on a Jeff Buckley bender...and I love it. I do this periodically with certain music...JB has been on my radar for years of course but something clicked recently...I started analyzing...as soon as I start analyzing - I am a useless piece of shit until I am done...spent...wore out. Until I am personally satisfied that I know everything I need to know, until I know I have all the material I need to survive.... Kindred spirits in fatherlessness we are...not going to lie...it intrigues me to hear the mental musings of someone who shares a similar childhood. JB lyrics are my favourite...genuine and easy for me to interpret. They are seemingly more straight forward in their beauty and storytelling than most which appeals to me...in contrast - Matthe...

The cat has just shat and now the air quality in here is such that I cannot promise to make this post a worthwhile one. I went and saw a new potential place on Sat. but sadly it was too small. Disappointing b/c the location was ok and it was in a house...I haven't lived in a house for a longgggg time and I am leaning towards a suite in a house for that reason...ONE set of neighbors as opposed to 100 is appealing. But it was not to be. Onward goes the search...in the meantime, the cat is still obsessed with the wall dividing the kitchen and living room...I imagine there are millions of baby rats in there, wigging around, making noise only the cat can hear. She just parks herself and stares at it all.night.long....and during the day. Like she has seen something and knows it will show itself, she just needs to be patient. It has made me extra paranoid. I knock on the wall when I walk by it to disturb whatever is in there...and I am always expecting to come home to a hole chewed th...

This getting old business is funny...things you cannot even recall bothering you your whole life suddenly take on this massive importance, ruling your happiness. How did this happen? All these things are just more to add to my already (and growing) long list of neurosis'...and no matter how justified they may be in my head I know how they sound spoken out loud to a third party. What else sucks about getting older....Oh - those moments of crystal clear clarity (they are not the norm any more) where something you already know logically suddenly gets drilled home so hard that your emotional self has a moment of true understanding....like THE moment in your life when you were at a crossroads, though did not know it at the time, and the decision you made at that very fucking moment would ultimately lead you down a path of complete personal and emotional unhappiness. I had that moment this weekend out of nowhere, it was pretty surprising...luckily, the good in your life is not erased ...

I just made 3 batches of rice krispie squares.... Christmas struggles. I gotta work in the morning. House is a dump. Wish I drank.

I just woke up from a dream where our apartment burned down...and we were in the lobby of some other apartment bldg, with nothing but the clothes we had on...there were fired burning all over the place so there were a lot of people displaced. Days when by in this dream, I never knew what time it was or what day...I just waited for some direction of news....then I realized the cat was obviously burned up in the fire and told Miss A "Look, you finally got your wish to have no cat, happy?" {I am a dick even in my dreams}..I also said "Hey, at least we get a new couch now!"... then she went off to a friend's house and I just sat in this lobby...no one was being helpful...I eventually walked down to see my friend Tracey nearby, her apartment had been burning too...I walked through a funeral procession on Quadra Street, the local Money Mart had installed this strange royal purple carpeting..I stared as I walked by wondering wtf day it was when I looked at the hours si...

Well....RIP Scott Weiland. While it seemed like it was just a matter of time - it is amazing that he lived to be 48 honestly. I am amazed at the amount of abuse the human body can endure. Addiction. Evil shit. His poor children.... Listening to some old STP now of course, seemed appropriate. Lots of great songs, great words...forever immortalized in that special way that only dead rock stars seems to accomplish. The weekend is here...hallelujah. Life is rambling on fairly smoothly. Miss A is done work now and concentrating on her class...and the upcoming trip to California for xmas with the famjam in 2 weeks. Will miss her at xmas but it is good she is going to see her grandparents - they are getting up there after all and hanging with the family in Disneyland will be a hoot. Her and little Madelyn are going to have such fun together. After 3 days in D'land (aka Hell on Earth for ppl like me which is why I am not going) she will go see the grandparents and the rest of the fam...

 My kid snapchats me pictures of the cat being a dick...I think it is a sibling type relationship...she finally has someone to rat on.... #onlychildsyndrome

I am at home, late for work, waiting for a UPS delivery...I hate UPS...but I really want my new record player delivered without me having to go arrange pick up/cab etc. b/c it will be heavy and I am a non-lifter gimp now. The Chronicles of the Barking Asshole Dog and It's Even Worse Asshole Owners continues. I have made 2 official complaints...time will tell if they take it seriously or not...All I know is I hate them now and wish they would move b/c I don't see why I have to move b/c they are irresponsible dog owners. I am being very polite right now...you have no idea the level of aggravation this causes me. Went shopping last night with Kate, Ethan and Miss A at the mall. It will be the last time I enter a mall until after xmas. JFC. Soul sucking places. It was fun though in that Miss A never goes anywhere with me - so what if I had to bribe her with buying her new moccasin slippers for xmas that she had to pick out. I have no pride. I regret getting up so early now t...

 

Miss A is at school tonight....I am attempting to make butternut squash soup...This vacation is going by fast as they always do...too bad the work weeks did not fly by at this same pace. Transferring some old video from those little 8mm video tapes over to digital this week...it was the one thing I really wanted to get done this week...I have stumbled across some things I forgot all about...me and Deanna (who has since passed away) on a road trip to Long Beach...a tour of my granny's apartment a few months before she died....lots of footage of Miss A as a little one - been pretty cool to see it all again. Got her having a hissy fit for being sent to her room yelling "YOU ARE TREATING ME LIKE A PILE OF ASHES! KEEPING ME COOPED UP IN HERE ALL DAY!!!" ha ha ha That is a good 5 yr old hissy. I also had the displeasure of watching myself on video, drunk with a bunch of friends and I have to say it is really no wonder I am a single person. My level of volume and obnoxiousne...